Do Women Prefer Assholes? – Pt. 4
Oct 05, 2012•
In our previous post, we reached our verdict: There is a distinct (if not completely agreed-upon) tendency in women to be attracted to assholes, though that doesn’t necessarily mean they want to end up with them. Now that we’ve established that . . .
Let’s dive into the question of why. We’ve already cracked the code a little by looking at some research. But that only scratches the surface. Delving deeper into this question is important both for men tired of crashing and burning because of their own “niceness,” and for women who have been out with one too many creepy, obstinate, selfish dudes who made life difficult for them. Why do some women go for jerks?
Confidence Promises Security
This one’s easy. But it simply can’t be overlooked: Most women want to feel secure. And security often comes from strong, confident, fearless men—or at least men who come off that way. Confidence consistently tops the lists of what women want in a man.
Assholes usually have confidence in spades. In fact, as Joseph Matthews puts it in a guest post on the website Just a Guy Thing, it’s part of who they are. “One of the big things a jerk has going for him is that he really doesn’t care about other people,” says Matthews. “In fact, his focus is almost entirely on his own pleasures, thoughts, and feelings. Because of this, when he sees something he wants, he goes after it!” And when it doesn’t work, he’ll casually tell himself and his buddies, “Pshh. That bitch was a total lesbian.” Like it or not, that kind of self-centeredness makes it much easier to ooze confidence. And confidence makes a woman feel secure.
“‘Near Zeros’ — girls who aren’t operating on a full tank of self-esteem . . . have the hardest time showing bad boys the door. Like Joan of Arc, they hear voices in their heads: ‘You’re not worthy, you’re not worthy.’ Any man, nice or overly-nice, who treats them otherwise is assumed to have something wrong with him, and is deemed unworthy of their unworthiness.” So says “Advice Goddess” Amy Alkon in her syndicated column.
Men and women with low self-esteem often feed each other’s neuroses. Women who don’t believe they can do better than this jerk confirm their own predispositions by sleeping with him. Men with fragile egos use hooking up with that bimbo as yet another Band-Aid for their perpetually hemorrhaging self-esteem.
“I can change him.”
This one isn’t exactly borne out by specific scientific studies—in fact, I feel a bit dubious about mentioning it myself. But based on plenty of anecdotal evidence, it seems that many women love a project.
Dating coach Liz Leia says for certain women it’s not unlike the desire some hobbyists have to restore old cars. “This kind of woman is not looking for a man who is ready for a relationship. She doesn’t want one that’s already put together; she wants to build him up herself.”
Next post: prefer assholes.
Oct 12, 2012•
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