Do Women Prefer Assholes? – Pt. 2
Oct 05, 2012•
Nice Guys Don’t (Necessarily) Finish Last
In our previous post, we found that there is some scientific evidence to back up the idea that jerks are more likely to succeed in business, more likely to have more sexual partners, and more likely to exhibit “bad boy” characteristics that attract a fair number of women . . .
But that’s far from the whole picture. Being jerk isn’t a magic formula guys should follow to get with women. According to a study in the British Journal of Psychology, women list kindness, intelligence, and humor among the top traits they look for in a man. Not exactly telltale signs of assholery.
And there is, of course, plenty of pushback against the idea that women genuinely prefer assholes over nice men. In an article on the Feminist website Jezebel, Pasadena City College gender studies professor Hugo Schwyzer argues that “The evidence is compelling that the sexual appeal of assholes is wildly exaggerated.” Maintaining that it is an argument often co-opted by men seeking to justify their immoral actions by claiming “Hey, I’m just doing what I’m evolutionarily programmed to do,” Schwyzer says that the sexual preferences of both men and women are not nearly as bestial and selfish as the PUA (pickup artist) community would have you believe.
In her article, Dr. Welch sums up the four decades of work of renowned relationship therapist Dr. John Gottman as boiling down to a simple idea: “If you can find and be someone kind and respectful, your relationship will work well; and if you can’t, it won’t.” So assholes are far from a safe bet for prolonged happiness. And I daresay most women know that.
Speaking of women not being completely clueless, let’s also recognize that we should be fair about this: Most of us know women who insist they really want a thoughtful, decent man. Let’s not make all of them out to be liars just yet—not everyone is blind to the treachery of the jackass. Much of the literature on the topic neglects to address the obvious fact that women, like men, care about looks. In an effort to pick women apart and nail down their psyches for the purposes of a nice bulleted breakdown men and advice peddlers (of whom I’m one) can digest, obvious facts that most women will tell you when you bother to ask them are sometimes overlooked.
Next post: The verdict.
Oct 12, 2012•
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